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Geoffrey Gorer and others distinguish pederasty from pedophilia, which he defined as a separate, fourth type that he described as "grossly pathological in all societies of which we have record." According to Gorer, the main characteristic of homosexual pederasty is the age difference (either of generation or age-group) between the partners.

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Therefore this was not a valid marriage.” “As soon as you even talk about divorce as if it’s an option, you’ve taken your first step,” Patricia, an abandoned mother of five, told me.

Still, the black cloud can be dispelled even at this stage, and often is, if the couple looks into the horrible consequences of divorce and decides they just won’t go there. Until someone calls a lawyer.“All it takes is one confused spouse who thinks that divorce will solve their unhappiness,” said Michelle Gauthier, founder of Defending Holy Matrimony.

He is a judge and defender of the bond at the marriage tribunal at the Archdiocese of Hartford, Connecticut, where he’s involved in hundreds of Petitions for Declarations of Invalidity of Marriage (the technical name for an annulment).“My response can only be anecdotal,” he told me.

“But in the cases I’ve handled, I would estimate that in somewhere between 5 and 10 percent, at least one member of the couple made an effort to know, study, or follow the Church’s teachings,” he said.

The president of a Catholic college known for its fidelity guessed that about 5 percent of the marriages of its alums end in divorce. Bible study is just not doing it.”Catholics can sometimes convince themselves that they aren’t part of the same culture as the rest of the world. Worse, a self-righteous faith can lull Catholics into a false sense of security, a new Phariseeism convinced that intellectual assent to the right doctrines — not our humility and God’s mercy — is what saves us.“They think they know everything there is to know about marriage,” said Father Brunetta, “and when they get there and discover it’s not what they expected, they don’t know what to do.

Whatever the number is, it looks awfully high to Catholics who see their friends splitting up. “When I saw the Catholic marriages in this country that are hurting, I wasn’t shocked — I was saddened. But we’re all part of the culture of immediate gratification that doesn’t consider long-term consequences. Most of us have easily dropped relationships, even family ones, to pursue careers and comforts. Shouldn’t faith steel the assenting Catholic against the culture? If we think the answer to the real day-to-day problems of our marriage is going to be found in a paragraph of Andie was a theology major, but it was Doug’s communications major that led him to full-time Catholic work later in life.

But while he and his wife overloaded on “Catholic stuff,” they neglected to develop an authentic spirituality.

In retrospect, Doug says that marriage preparation gave him all the doctrinal answers but left him unprepared for the life that he would face.

Or, as Alicia stated it: “I’m too good to be divorced.

One man I spoke with, now divorced, took Scott Hahn’s Christian marriage class with his theology-major fiancée.

Another couple, now divorced, made the twin sacrifices of building a large family and allowing the wife to stay home — because, in the ex-husband’s words, “Simpleminded me, I looked at every sacrament as precious and worthy.” Two others, now divorced, helped at their parish and were sacrificing to send their kids to Catholic schools.

“I have learned a lot since then through individual counseling.

Too many times, I will read something in a book only to look up to God and ask, ‘Why didn’t I read this five years ago?