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The one who has his or her own sexual history faces their own challenges.

The twin emotions of judged when you feel the weight of your partner’s regret and struggle to process what their sins mean for you.

The gospel reminds us: the Beloved expect you to conform to patterns of her previous sexual partners, they are not ready to date — that is, they are not ready to be trusted with your (or anyone else’s) heart.

If they don’t enforce some comparison on you, do your best to accept that and move on.

There’s not a magic number of weeks or months to wait before dating someone else after having sex. “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way” (Proverbs 19:2).

Andy Stanley recommends Christians who have lapsed into a sexually immoral lifestyle wait a full year before dating again — he says, in fact, that it is the best and most important piece of advice he can give those in this situation. As you consider someone for marriage, their maturity today — the evidence and trajectory of their becoming more like Christ — should be your primary concern.

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When you measure your lovability by trying to quantify your sexuality, you diminish your humanity.The sustaining benefit of sex in marriage is not the orgasm, but the committed intimate relationship.Don’t buy into the temptation to dwell on the ways you are deficient — the temptation to self-destruct.Obsession, because you want to let the past be the past, but only after your own morbidly detailed investigation — and because you stubbornly refuse to be rejected and overlooked for the purity which you’ve guarded so diligently.The reflex reaction of the insecure is to quantify oneself, especially physically: to rush to numbers for security, to resort to inches to feel worthy, to run to the scale to feel loveable.But it cannot redeem it, at least not in any truly deep and lasting way.